Thor: i’m gONNA STICK MY DICK IN IT
Loki: brother don’t stick your dick in it
my sister got this lifesize cardboard cutout of sheldon from the big bang theory for christmas and i put him in my moms room right infront of the door and closed the door and waited in my room and i just heard the most terrified blood curdling scream come from her room followed by a lot of cursing at me
update, a surprise visitor during my moms morning shower
Wanna keep your money without having to carry a rented baby at all times?
#5. Stick a Baby Picture in Your Wallet
In an effort to see where common criminals draw the morality line, a group of researchers dumped 240 wallets in random locations and tracked which ones came home. Some of these wallets were equipped with a charity donation card, while others were stuffed with pictures of babies, puppies, families, or elderly couples. Some contained absolutely nothing aside from sweet, anonymous cash. Only 15 percent of wallets containing nothing but money showed back up, while a mere 20 percent of those with charity cards did so. Photos of the elderly only returned 28 percent of the wallets, no matter how hard grandpa brought his selfie game. Wallets with baby pictures, on the other hand, were returned at an incredible rate of 88 percent.
Hey guys, do you want to know some shocking things about “The Beauty and the Beast” (that has nothing to do Stockholm Syndrome) that I realized earlier today?
The enchantress is evil. Like REALLY evil.
Just to preface this, let me make a quick reminder of some details about the movie so that you don’t have to go google them. The Beast was once a Prince who was a brat to an old lady who turned out to be an enchantress and cursed the whole castle. To break the curse, the Beast must learn to love and be loved by his 21st birthday or be doomed to remain a beast forever and all of his servants will remain objects forever. Then recall that in the song “Be Our Guest”, Lumiere says the line “Ten years we’ve been rusting”. The movie takes place during the year leading up to the Beast’s 21st birthday, so, using arithmetic, we now know that the Beast was only 10 when he was cursed by the enchantress. NOT some stuck up wealthy man, but just some bratty kid, and this enchantress (or really a witch, if we’re being real, here) curses the entire castle just because she thinks that’s the best way to teach a child a lesson.
Now, something even worse than that: you know Chip? Loveable, adorable little Chip? In order to have even been born before the curse, Chip has to be at least 10 years old during the events of the movie and if you’ve seen the movie then you know that there is NO way that he is a day older. That means that there are really only two possible things going on with Chip, and neither one of them is a good thing.
Possible thing number 1: Chip has been a cup his entire life. He would have been too young to remember being human, so for his whole life, dancing plates and barking stools would be the only thing he knows. He would never even had seen a human in person, or anything other than the castle, for that matter. Imagine the effects going from being a cup your whole life to suddenly having limbs and a stomach and flesh would have on a 10-year-old boy.
Possible thing number 2: Chip has been the same age for 10 years. We know that the Beast ages, because he has to in order to fulfill the requirements of the curse, but he’s the only one that gets transformed into a living creature. There is a possibility that, since the servants were all turned into inanimate objects, they stopped aging physically. But, even if he remained physically a child, you’d think that he might at least develop mentally, but nope. After 10 years of being a cup, Chip is still the same child that he was before the curse. Did he literally learn nothing at all from anyone for those 10 years? No moral lessons? No tidbits of information from the adults about what the world was like? Was he so traumatized from the experience that it stunted his mental development? Will that trauma carry over to after he is changed back, making growing up an even more difficult experience for him?
So, in conclusion, the enchantress is actually an evil witch that doesn’t give two fucks about cursing people, including children, on a whim.
Plus too, if Prince Adam (beast) was like 10 and didn’t let a stranger into his home….he was being RESPONSIBLE and staying away from stranger danger.,…and the bitch curses him anyway! Adam was right to not invite her in!
So if he has anger issues, it’s because he had to grow up without parents, into the throws of puberty while being isolated, and a terrifying beast who will be attacked on sight….AND he has to learn how to love while not knowing a goddamned thing on what love actually is……SO YEAH I would be cranky too if I were him.
THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A RUSTIC CABIN IN THE WOODS AWAY FROM ALL SOCIETY
THEN THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A MODERN ASS HOUSE
THEN I’M LIKE I’LL ACCEPT NOTHING MORE THAN A VICTORIAN MANOR
THEN I WANT A PENTHOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK
THEN I WANT ONE OF THOSE HOUSE MADE OUT SHIPPING CONTAINERS
THEN I WANT A FRENCH CHATEAU
BUT I ALSO WANT A TREE HOUSE
AND A LITTLE COTTAGE ON THE OCEAN
HOUSES ARE SO COOL